¹ Much of the 20th century,
passed by without a whimper,
While physics languished in the mud
Uncertain of its future

² They tried and tried to reconcile
The two great parts of it
As Einstein’s Relativity
And Quantum Mechanics

³ They wanted them to fit together
Although they tried and tried
Their foundations are so different
They just can’t be unified.

⁴ But—
If they could only make them one,
Remove their fatal sting.
We would finally have, at last,
A working Theory of Everything

⁵ Einstein himself worked hard on it
“Unified Field Theory” it was called
But even he was stymied by
Uncertainty installed

⁶ Then scientists pushed and prodded
Through Einstein’s work to find
Some problem in the way it works, or
Some problem with his mind.

⁷ But that didn’t happen
That’s not where the problems lie
It’s with their Hero of Uncertainty
Werner Heisenberg, that’s why

⁸ Max Planck had shown that light is made
Of specific energy amounts
In lumps he called Quanta
Made math in even counts

⁹ But—
That was too consistent
For their hero to accept
So he dreamed up "Uncertainty"
One night there while he slept

¹⁰ Electromagnetic waves said he
Show up as they please
As random-arriving particles
Within their probabilities

¹¹ So must always be haphazard
Called “Uncertainty” by name
Yet, he claimed what happened
Within each cycle was the same.

¹² Do you recognize his deception?
Twisting meanings in his game?
On one-hand it was “random”
On the other quite the “same”?

¹³ He claimed that these light particles
At random times showed up
Within each cycle time
But we shouldn’t look close up

¹⁴ We just might find that he was blind
Or at least deceptive be
That what was there was Certain
And not Uncertainty.

¹⁵ Because he said it’s random
So, all measurements would be
Perpetually indecisive, by
His “Principle of Uncertainty”

¹⁶ Below this “quantum limit”
Where random was to reign
His theory kept folks well away
He’d won the first round of his game

¹⁷ He said it was "impossible" to look
where Uncertainty forbid.
Since they wanted to believe his word
No one ever did.

¹⁸ Meanwhile, above that “quantum limit”
The work avoided bumps
Since it was more accurate
Because they counted things in lumps

¹⁹ But let us focus now
On his reasoning within
Below that quantum limit
Where Everything begins.

²⁰ Truly random anything
By definition, see
Has all its data unrelated
Mathematically

²¹ If that’s the case
there cannot be
Any consistent pattern,
Mathematically

²² But light does make a pattern
As regular as can be.
It always makes a sine wave
And quite consistently

²³ Guess what? That isn’t
“Randomness” you see!
It’s only inconsistent
With his “Uncertainty”

²⁴ What’s more, there cannot be
Any kind of reliability
Let alone a reproducible
Probability

²⁵ ‘cause that’s NOT really random
It has another name
It’s called pseudorandom
Like is used in the cryptographic game

²⁶ Now lets’ check another proof
That anyone can do
With a simple FM radio
For our science to renew

²⁷ Early in the 19th century
Light had proved to be
A pair of resonant force fields
Magnetic and Electric they be

²⁸ Since no single cycle
Without energy can survive
The start of each new cycle must
Wait until its particle arrives.

²⁹ But if arrival times are random
As their hero thought of it
There must be for certain
A random phase modulation to it

³⁰ He says it’s part of nature
So we'll always have a fit
No matter how we process
We can’t get rid of it

³¹ Called “white noise.” It would sound real bad
A “swishing” sound would be
On every FM radio
Over all, consistently

³² But clearly if you’ve listened
To nice music off the air
The thing that is consistent
Is its quiet beauty there.

³³ I guess that—
No one told poor Armstrong
Back on that fateful day
That FM was "impossible"
So he invented it anyway.

³⁴ The key is commonality
With corrections we gave it
Providing a cause-and-effect foundation
For both Relativity and Quantum Mechanics

³⁵ So now we’ve found the problem
We’ve removed its fatal sting.
So now we finally have, at last,
A working Theory of Everything

³⁶ Yet another proof is found
As modern technology
Reveals the way a laser works
With prefect accuracy

³⁷ 6 years after Einstein’s death
An invention came to be
The continuous wave laser
With its coherent light you see

³⁸ Coherent light is not random
Its phase, as constant as can be
Can even make good holograms
Which require accuracy

³⁹ But according to “Uncertainty”
Lasers cannot work
Because they are not random—
Proves his theory is berserk

⁴⁰ So always remember
With lasers you can buy
Never stare right in to one
With your remaining eye!

Easy wasn’t it!